The True Tales of FF7
by Saya01
Summary: Just what the title says. chapters may be out of order. Waaaay better than it sounds!please R&R! rated for Cloud's stupidity.
1. Meeting Yuffie

HOW THE FF7 TEAM REALLY MET YUFFIE!

(people in party are Cloud(gasp),Tifa,Aeris)

Our hero's are on their journey to Junon when somewhere in a forest...

Tifa: Hey... didn't we pass that rock before?

Cloud: Tifa I think the heat is doing things to your mind.

Tifa:(muttering) yeah you would know...

Cloud:(happily pointing to a different rock) That's the rock we passed!

They find themselves completely lost in the woods.

Cloud:(clinging to Aeris) The trees are talking to me ! AHHHHHHHHHH!

Aeris No Cloud thats just the narrator...(pats cloud's head)

Tifa: Now look who the heats getting to...

Aeris: let me try my PHS to call for help!

PHS: no service please hang up and try again!

Aeris:darn it! I forgot it only works if in direct sunlight...

Tifa: well that's inconvenient...

Cloud: don't worry I know exactly where I'm going!

(Cloud puts his finger in the air)

Cloud: Aha! That way! (he attempts to run through some bushes but trips over a log and falls into a ditch)

Aeris and Tifa:Cloud are you okay!

Cloud:(swirly eyes)chocobo wings...

Tifa: That's it this time I lead!

(After several hours of trying to find a way out of the forest everyone has just about given up hope)

Aeris: Waaahhhh! I don't wanna die here!

Tifa:(muttering)drama queen (normal voice) We're not gonna die!

(Cloud stops making coffins)

Cloud: We're not?

Tifa: No ! Come on lets move out!

( but she only takes two steps when just ahead of them a skinny looking female ninja falls out of a tree)

Ninja Yuffie: Ochies! (notices the trio staring at her) I mean gimme all yer loot!

Aeris: ah no!

Ninja Yuffie: umm PLEASE gimme all yer loot?

Aeris(whispering): Well she said please...

Tifa (whispering): AERIS!

Aeris: Fine.. No you may not have it... how was that?

Tifa: Very good!

Ninja Yuffie: Fine I'll just fight you for it!

(everyone gets into battle position sept Cloud)

Tifa: Cloud (sigh) What are you doing?

Cloud:(on the PHS) Yes I want olives... no cheese... yeah that's it...location?...umm in the middle of a forest... okay can you place that under Cloud Strife... thanks bye.(click)

Cloud: Yeah Tifa ? I just orded us some pizza.

Aeris:(shaking head) Did he know his PHS worked?

Tifa: Probably not... Hey Cloud were about to battle want to help?

Ninja Yuffie: Can you hurry up I'm on a time schedule...

(everyone (finally) gets into correct battle mode)

Yuffie: Yer all gonna lose!

Tifa:(Kicks the ninja into a tree, which breaks in half)

Aeris:NNNOOOOOOO!

Cloud: What's Aeris sad about?

Tifa: Don't know...

(Aeris runs over to the fallen ninja)

Aeris: Are you okay ? Did Tifa hurt you?

Yuffie :(rubs head) Yeah I'm fine..

Aeris: NOT you, the poor Tree...

(Cloud and Tifa fall down while Aeris does a cure spell on the Tree restoring it to normal)

Yuffie:(getting up) Lets go agian you punks! I'll have you know I'm the great ninja Yuffie!  
Nothing can stop me!

Cloud: Tifa just stopped you...

Yuffie: Whatever...Say if you let me join your party I'll show you the way out!

Aeris: OK the more the merrier!

Yuffie:(thinking) Great once they trust me I'll steal all their materia Mhwahahahahahahaahahahahahahahaahahahah)

Tifa(shaking head): I got a bad feeling about this...

Cloud: Hey we could ask that guy over there for the way out...(points to a delivery boy)

Delivery Boy: I have a Hot & Ready pizza for ..(squints at receipt)...Clod Stiff?

Cloud: I'm Clod Stiff!

Tifa:(muttering) Sure you are...

Aeris:(crying) Curse you heat! You've taken another one!

Yuffie: Oh pizza! I want some!( grabs box from Cloud)

Cloud: Hey that's mine!

(Cloud and Yuffie fight over the box for a while)

Aeris and Tifa:(thinking) Why do I like him?

And so our hero's have yet another comrade to help them reach their goal...or stop Cloud from eating his pizza...

Cloud: GET OUT OF MY HEAD! STUPID TREES!

FIN

Yawn I'm tired... hope you like the story... I'm going to bed...ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz...


	2. How they met Vinnie

okay I'm hyper (didn't have any sugar) maybe I'm insane from being forced to watch pokemon with my little sister ...okay I got so bored I made up the following is a story about how the FF7 gang really met Vincent! enjoy

( the people in the party are Cloud(duh),Tifa,and Yuffie)

Okay after the party beat up that freaky monster in the safe Cloud finds the key to the basement.

Cloud: Hey look a key!

Yuffie: I wonder what its for?

Cloud: The basement!

Tifa: Am I the only one who noticed that disembodied voice commenting on our actions?

Yuffie:(nods head and grins stupidly)

So are team makes to the basement (finally) after beating up random monsters. However Cloud's having a bit of trouble with the key...

Cloud:(shoves key into the door and hums to himself) Lefty lucy, righty tighty and it works great for bottles too!

Tifa: I'm scared...

Cloud: Hmmmmm it's not working... it normally works for bottles...

Tifa:(after looking at key she slaps herself realizing that Cloud put it in upside down)

Yuffie: This is taking too long (steals Cloud's fire materia) Fire!

(the door burns down)

Tifa:YUFFIE! You just burned up a perfectly good door! And to think I could have sold it on E-bay for 1000 gil! WWWAAAAAHHHH!

Yuffie: Be quiet Tifa it's just a stupid door!

(Tifa and Yuffie get into a BIG cat fight)

Tifa:WELL what would you know about high quality craftsmanship!

Yuffie: As if someone was going to buy that hunk of wood!

(Meanwhile in the library Sephy is searching for doors on E-bay on his labtop)

Sephiroth: All these doors were here yesterday...(stands up and points finger towards the ceiling as dramatic music plays) As soon as I find a door of high quality craftsmanship I shall buy it ! (sits back down and continues searching)

(back at the cat fight)

Cloud:(smartly inches into the newly open room) WOW! Hey girls look it's all dark and damp in here!

(Tifa and Yuffie stop fighting and walk in)

Tifa:WOW it is dark and depressing in here...

Yuffie: Hey look at all the dead guys!

Tifa: All these crypts are opened... sept the one in the center...

(Cloud starts to pull off the lid to the coffin)

Tifa: Wait Cloud you shouldn't do that...

Cloud: Don't worry Tiff it's probably just a dead person...

(Cloud pulls of the lid, and tada inside is Vincent with all his gloominess)

Cloud:Worse! It's a Vampire!

Tifa: I knew these stakes would come in handy someday!

Yuffie: No you guys it's just some freaky guy with problems wearing a cape inside a coffin! Duh!

Tifa and Cloud: Oooohhhhhhh!

Yuffie: Hey he's waking up!

Vincent:(all groggy) just five more minutes...oh wait I mean 'who dares to disturb my sleep' ( lightning flashes in the background)

Yuffie: COOL! do you like have a materia for tha lightning?

Vincent: No...

Yuffie:Aaawwwwwwwww...

Cloud: Say do you want to join our journey and battle EVIL!

Vincent:...

Tifa: I'll take that as a yes !

So they all traveled around tha world slaying monsters and fighting EVIL !

(Later)

Cloud: whoever you are ... Stop stalking us!

FIN or is it?


End file.
